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Loch Ness Monster Sightings

Stop Press : New sighting of the Loch Ness Monster : World exclusive to


On Sunday 3rd October 2010 Willie MacFibber (that's not his real name - but being an MP he shuns all publicity) ran the Loch Ness Marathon - the first and last marathon he will ever run. Standing nervously on the starting line he was totally unaware that what he was about to see would change his life forever. He set off as fast as he could go - taking advantage of the downhill slope from Fort Augustus to the loch, Still running strong he passed through Foyers and strode contentedly along the loch side. He was making good time. All his weeks of training were paying off. As he ran he gulped energy drinks to keep himself hydrated - but he may have overdone the drinks for suddenly he felt the need to spend a penny.


He found a quiet spot away from prying eyes near the shore of Loch Ness. From his vantage point he looked across the glorious loch which was now glimmering in the morning sun. He had read many tales of the monster but had never believed them.


Just as he was about to turn away from the loch he spotted something large splashing and thrashing in the water. At first he thought it was his imagination - an hallucination brought on by overexertion in his attempt to get a good marathon time. He stared out across the water. Again movement. There was something out there - something that he could not explain - he had to investigate. He glanced at his running watch - 'Shit,' he exclaimed - there was no chance of breaking 3 hours now.


He spotted a little rowing boat moored nearby and decided to 'borrow' it for a short time. Willie clambered aboard and rowed anxiously towards the splashing he could still see in the distance. The closer Willie got to the disturbance the more certain he was that he was about to experience something amazing - something that, with just a few pictures and a badly written story, he could sell to for a vast amount of money.


Sure enough, there was Nessie as large as life - and probably much larger than most life! Willie stared up at the monster. Nessie stared down at the skinny little runner in blue and pink running kit. It let out a strange noise that sounded almost like laughter then plunged beneath the water. Fortunately Willie managed to take a few pictures before Nessie and vanished forever.


Later, a rather stunned Willie completed the Marathon, "I was nearly an hour slower than I expected because of my little adventure," gasped Willie, "but to get a glimpse of Nessie it was all worth while. I will be back next year but not to do the marathon - I would rather spend the time searching for my big friend."



Willie's pictures - indisputable proof that the Loch Ness Monster really does exist.

Loch Ness Monste rScotland

Loch Ness Monster Nessie

A Little History of a big Monster

Many sceptics suggest that the Loch Ness Monster (Nessie as he is known to his friends) is a mere figment of the whisky inspired imagination or a stunt to attract millions of visitors to the Inverness area so that the locals can grow rich and no longer need to sell their children into slavery so as to survive. All of this is of course nonsense. There is documentation showing sightings of Nessie over the course of the last 1300 years.


The earliest report of a monster appears in the Life of St. Columba by Adomnán, written in the 7th century. According to Adomnán, the Irish monk Saint Columba was walking near the loch with a companions when he came across the locals burying a man by the River Ness. They explained that the man had been swimming the river when he was attacked by a "water beast" that had mauled him and dragged him down to his death. They tried to rescue him but were too late. Hearing this, Columba stunned the Picts by sending his follower Luigne moccu Min to swim across the river. The beast chased after him, but Columba made the sign of the cross and commanded: "Go no further. Do not touch the man. Go back at once." The beast immediately halted as if it had been "pulled back with ropes" and fled in terror.

So - if Saint Columba says there is a monster in the loch there must be - saints never tell lies - and that's the truth (which does not necessarily make me a saint for saying so).


The Loch Ness Monster - as pictured by Christian Spurling in 1934

The Loch Ness Monster



Many years past and Nessie may have been forgotten when the next sensational sighting occurred. This was in 1933 - when trains and boats and planes had started a boom in tourism. By fortunate coincidence, a Mr George Spicer and his wife saw a twenty-five foot long creature amble across the road and, without so much as a wave, plunge into the water. Since then, with the encouragement of eager journalists, there have been many sightings and a number of photos taken. Perhaps one of the most revealing of these in this exclusive interview had with a local witness,  in 2010. Here is a transcript of our interview: Angus, tell us about your sighting of the Loch Ness Monster.

Angus McHonest: Och, it was early one Sunday morning, and I'd only had maybe five or six whiskies for I seldom drink much on a Sunday. Well I thought to myself, 'Angus, you should take yourself down to the loch and just take a wee look.' So I did - I went down to the loch and took a wee look. And what did you see Angus.

Angus McHonest: Ah well, now at first I didn't see a thing, but then I realised it was my dark sunglasses, so I took them off and there is was right in front of me . . . You mean Nessie?

Angus McHonest: No, no laddie, not the monster. No, it was the loch - right in front of me it was - as clear as day. But you did see the monster - right?

Angus McHonest: Och, yes but that wasn't until Wednesday. Now on that day I was cycling along the loch when this car when whizzing past me - och he must have been doing at least twenty miles per hour. Anyway I swerved to avoid him and went right off the end of the road, down the slope and landed right in the water. I was very nearly drowned, because I never did learn to swim after the incident with the hamster when I was just six. So, just as I thought I was about to meet my maker what do you think happened? You were rescued by our wonderful lifeguard service?

Angus McHonest: No, no, not at all - no they were all in the pub. No, what happened was a huge, long neck appeared from under the water. Two massive big eyes were staring at me. If I was not so terrified of drowning I would have been terrified of it - but as it was there didn't seem much point.  But it was the monster - large as life and very nearly bigger than death. So did it attack you?

Angus McHonest: No - now here's the funny bit. It gently lifted me up and put me down at the edge of the water. It carefully removed my clothes, washed, spun dried them and ironed them neatly. And, as I was putting them back on, it straightened the wheel of my bike and mended the puncture. Then, before I could even say thanks, it was gone. Wow, that's an amazing story - and you guarantee that it's true.

Angus McHonest: Cross my heart and hope to die. Well, your testimony surely finally proves that there really is a monster in Loch Ness. Thank you for the exclusive interview Angus.

Angus McHonest: You are very welcome - I'm only doing what any good citizen would do and report the truth . . . by the way . . . you mentioned a fee of £1000 . . . could I have that in Scottish notes . . . .


The Loch Ness Monster - as pictured by Angus McHonest in 2010

Loch Ness Monster Nessie

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Charge of the Loch Ness Brigade by Stuart McLean

(A poem about the Loch Ness Marathon - From No' Rabbie Burns)

Two thousand men and women too,
Prepare themselves fae battle,
Heads doon against the wind,
Like a herd o’ frozen cattle.

The signal comes it’s time tae go,
There’s nowt else can be done,
For those that arnae fit enough,
The torture’s soon to come.

Frae Foyers’ hill they do descend,
All eyes upon the loch,
The leader wae themsel’ do battle,
Others fight against the clock.

A line, a mile, stretches ower the route,
Back markers start tae falter,
The leading group fight it oot,
For gold upon the alter.

At eighteen mile the climb begins,
The pace begins tae slow,
The muscles ache, the will does break,
But ye force yersel’ tae go.

Into the toon, ye’ll finish soon,
The streets are lined wae smiles,
Applause, a wave, a comic says,
‘Christ, it’s only twenty-six miles’.

Across the line ye drag yersel’,
You even shed a tear,
You tell yersel’ o’ ne’er again,
At least not ‘til next year.
(Copyright Stuart McLean)

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