Midges comprise
many kinds of very small two-winged flies: found mostly in Scotland and
in parts of North America (they migrated there during the Highland
Clearances). The term does not encapsulate a well-defined
taxonomic group: but includes animals in several families of Nematoceran
Diptera. The habits of midges vary greatly among the component families:
which include:
Anorexicmidge: These are fairly harmless insects - they may stare
at you longingly but they rarely bite.
Blephariceridae: Net-winged midges
Cecidomyiidae (or Gaulomidge) : Gall midges - these came
to Scotland when the Ancient Romans tried to invade. The Romans were
sent packing but their midges remained.
Ceratopogonidae: Biting midges (also known as no-see-ums or
punkies in North America)
Chaoboridae: Phantom midges - only bites in the night.
Chironomidae: Non-biting midges (also known as muffleheads in the
Great Lakes region of North America) - these beasts are toothless so
tend to suck rather than bite.
Deuterophlebiidae: Mountain midges - often spotted scaling the
rocks around Ben Nevis.
Dixidae: Meniscus midges (these tend to be good dancers)
Effenmidges:These
are the curse of the tourists and can attack without warning. You will
often see groups of tourists at Luss running for their coach screaming,
"Quick, get away, the Effenmidges are everywhere."
Glesgakiss
Midden Midge: These mighty beasts live in the refuse bins in Glasgow
Tenements. They come out at night and, after a wee drink, become very
aggressive. they are likely to gang up on you and start a fight. Rather
than bite you they will deliver a painful head-butt.
Gonaenodothatyaweebugger: A close relative of the Glesgakiss Midden
Midge but more often found in the leafy suburbs such as Drumchapel and
Easterhouse. When it is unable to get enough human blood this little
pest will resort to eating deap fried Mars Bars.
Heilinflingayabugga: This little blighter is only found in the North
of Scotland. It's bark is definitely worse than its bite, for it makes a
constant droning noise that sounds like the bagpipes. It can be seen
busking around tourists spots but also does ceilidhs and weddings.
Nessiemonstermidge: The largest of all the Scottish midges - some
sightings suggest he could be sixty foot long. It is thought that this
midge has survived from the Jurassic period. He has
certainly become legendary with people coming from all around the world
in the hope of spotting him.
A rare
picture of a Nessiemonstermidge
Sassenachidaeidaeidiot: Sometime referred to as Border-Raiders.
These little pest can be found around the border between Scotland and
England. By night the make excursions into Scotland and make off with
our sheep, cattle, women and children. They are otherwise harmless.
Scatopsidae: Dung midges - sometimes refered to as WeeKeeks
Thaumaleidae: Solitary midges - they smell awful so have no
friends.
